Many couples, after a time of bad experiences decide to dissolve their marriage. Usually the separation of the couple arrives some time before signing the divorce and it’s often a traumatic stage but never more than the divorce itself.
Although the separation means a broken relationship, it can always be reversed and the hope remains for long periods of time. When legal divorce comes, it’s time to face a painful situation that, in most cases, you aren’t ready to handle. In that time the moment stirs many experiences and memories, it will be hard for both sides, especially when one member does not want a divorce.
That time will bring many doubts and the beginning of a great mourning for the loss of that person and that relationship. It is important to know that until you completely overcome this grief, you won’t overcome the breakdown.
How to overcome this experience step by step:
1- With the separation, the first moments and days will be bad, but must be lived to analyze the situation and move on, in the end, remember that life does not end with a divorce.
2- Once the papers are signed; one must give way to the emotional side . It’s okay to feel guilt, fear, grief and worry. Perhaps many memories will come back to mind that will make you sad. Don’t create a steel barrier around you, let yourself express your feelings openly. This is an important step to continue onto to the next phase, which is like a window into a new life.
3- Acceptance phase will come. At this time you will accept what happened and you move slowly accommodating to your new situation. You are likely to receive this as a bucket of cold water in matters of money, or loss of property, goods, among others.
To avoid having this become a hard blow, it is good to take the right decisions at the time of signing the divorce, you need to fight in the division of property and to avoid the feeling of loss, like there was something you had rights to and didn’t get. Whenever we are in a highly emotional stage it’s normal that we want to end it as soon as we can, and that is how we make bad decisions, so it is best not to make decisions when feeling depressed or hurt, because we can make the wrong decisions, causing harm to ourselves or former partner.
If things come up very quickly, and you are not in the mood to make decisions, seek professional help and get advice to help find the most beneficial way for you. That person is not emotionally involved and can better fight for your interests.
4- Passed acceptance comes the time to reorganize. Here you will feel much better and will be ready to set up a new life for yourself. It is the road to recovery. Feelings of remorse, guilt, resentment or insecurity, will only serve to stagnate you.
You have to organize yourself economically, socially and leisurely.
Restart new activities that provide good feelings, something you know you never would have done with your partner, so you feel like is something good that you got out of the breakup.
Starting a new life
Once you pass those moments of confusion and fear, we are ready to start a new life.
Here, it is possible to meet someone new that might be a future partner. This new experience can make you feel some insecurity, but it’s normal, with a break and a failure, you are afraid to repeat it again.
The best thing to do before embarking on a new relationship is to strengthen your self-esteem and confidence. Now you must assess your weaknesses and prior mistakes, take care of them so you won’t repeat them again. So you can be prepared to start a new relationship from scratch and with a positive attitude.
Never let yourself be bogged down with the past. Do not let phrases like “it was the best I had, ” “What shall I do now without him or her” or “I cannot move forward”, take hold of you and provide barriers to the new life that awaits you.
Just think that the negativity is bad for you and makes you notice how dependent you were on the person.
And keep in mind that… it is better to be lonely than in bad company , in the end, there’s a chance that something better might be waiting for you.