Today’s question comes from Travis:
This girl (Stacy) and I had become friends and she then started to like me. One of my best friends (John), who I’ve known for years, has also become her friend – and soon enough developed feelings for her. John threatened to end our friendship over Stacy. This caused me to push her away.
Weeks later, the Stacy and I became intimate. She claimed she could never be with either John or I because we were such close friends.
She avoided dating him before we became intimate because she knew it would hurt me. After Stacy and I hooked up, she started to act weird and eventually John found out. He clung to me and hated her. Stacy then guilt-tripped John into being in her life and as I tried to pull away, she guilt-tripped me into staying in hers.
She claimed she wanted to be with John and avoided hanging out with me; until I told her I was moving away. Stacy finally admitted that she had strong feelings for me when we were intimate, but she was afraid to tell me. As I arrived to the train station she guilt-tripped me into staying. Three days later she got into a relationship with John.
Now she’s almost all but disappeared from my life, but she constantly fights with me and when she found out I was moving away, she was crushed and angry. It’s almost as if she’s using John as her rebound in order to numb all her feelings.
Stacy admitted to missing me when she was in John’s arms, but with her constantly avoiding me, I don’t know what to think. I feel she wants to be with John…why else would she be with him? Is she crazy about me and too afraid to act on it? Or is she crazy about him and just wants me to go away? Every time I try to get away, she pulls me back in. The biggest issue is that Stacy isn’t a whore. She was in love once and then I became her second intimate partner. What should I do?
First of all, John doesn’t sound like the type of guy you’d want as your best friend. He threatened your friendship over some girl who you two recently met?! My man, there is an old saying:
Bro’s before hoes.
It means don’t let ANY woman get in between a long friendship. But then again, my friends would lay down in traffic for me while yours just threaten to sever the friendship. If it was me, I would get rid of John right on the spot and I would tell Stacy to go fuck off with him. I wouldn’t want either of them in my life. Let’s continue with this fascinating story of stupidity and inexperience.
So Stacy sleeps with you, then says she can’t be in a relationship with either you or John. Hmm…sounds like Stacy knows what she’s doing. She’s got two inexperienced suckers lined up for her disposal. And she can switch between the two whenever she wants.
«She avoided dating him before we became intimate because she knew it would hurt me»
That’s so nice of her; did she just sleep with John kind of like she just slept with you? She probably did. She knows what she’s doing …and it’s obvious that you and John are clueless.
So John finds out about your hook-up and he comes running back to you like a dog with its tail between his legs; typical coward behaviour. This guy is definitely NOT best friend material; this guy isn’t even worth saying «Hi» to, on the street. Stacy then manipulates John into being in her life, and as you try to get away from this mess…she manipulates you into being in this dysfunctional love triangle.
She then chose John over you and when you told her you were moving away, she manipulated you into staying. What a great gal. She then tells you these lies about how she thinks of you and all this other bullshit.
«Every time I try to get away, she pulls me back in. The biggest issue is that Stacy isn’t a whore. She was in love once and then I became her second intimate partner»
This made me laugh. Stacy is in fact a whore, and she is just using you two chumps because she can. Let me tell you what’s going on. Stacy knows that you and John are inexperienced and that you will always be there for her. This means that she will tell you how she thinks about you, how she loves you but is scared blah blah blah etc. This is called stringing someone along. She is keeping you on the side, like a used book. She is probably doing this with John as well. If some guy who she really likes enters her life, she will leave you two without hesitation. She will date this guy, and when he dumps her she will come back to you and John. Why? Because you and John are the only two guys stupid enough to take her back.
This is what you should do:
- Cut off all contact with John
- Cut off all contact with Stacy
- Have some respect for yourself
John will be a headache for you in the future. His loyalty towards you crumbled instantly and all it took was one random girl. What’s gonna happen if he’s your best man? Is he gonna take care of your kids if you die young? Absolutely not … get rid of him. You don’t need this kind of person in your life. Delete him from your phone, delete him from your Facebook…and if he contacts you, just tell him to fuck off.
Stacy, she’s just a lying whore who is only looking out for herself. You should take a note out of her book. She obviously loves herself more than you love yourself. She also has respect for herself. There are a lot of women out there. This girl Stacy…she isn’t worth your time. If you have any brain cells left in that thick and naïve skull of yours, you will immediately ditch both of them and never look back.
I know that my words may seem harsh, but I am trying to get my point across. You are better than this. You should focus on yourself and forget these two losers. You shouldn’t be thinking about Stacy, you should be thinking about your career, you should be thinking about your health, you should be thinking about yourself.
Are you the best you the best Travis you could be? Are you in the best shape of your life? If not, get to it. Join a gym, start running and get rid of the junk food. Are you financially set? If not, do something about it. Are you dressing the best you can or are you just piling on random clothes that don’t fit? Go and get it. Work on your confidence and self worth.
Make it so that a year from now, if Stacy bumps into you on the street, she’ll wish that she didn’t play you like a sucker. Hopefully by then you’ll have met several other women that’ll make your infatuation with Stacy disappear.
You should start thinking about yourself more. What is good for you? What do you want? Forget about what they want.